It was
first day of the mid-year exams and
therefore
I finished school a little earlier. I
called
him,
“Hey, I
finished school earlier today, would you
come by
and pick me up?”
“Alright,
give me five minutes.”
“Five
minutes? But my school is just beside your
house.”
“I need
to get ready.”
“Alright,
make it fast then.”
It was 2
p.m. in the afternoon and the sun was
extremely
hot. I stood under a shaded tree and
fanned
myself. Although it doesn't make much
of a
difference, I felt better with something to
do while
I wait.
After
five minutes, he still hadn’t shown up. I
felt a
little unhappy as I looked at my watch.
Soon,
five minutes turned to ten minutes and
he's
still not here. Did he meet with an accident
on his
way here? I started to become worried.
It was
fifteen minutes later when he finally
showed
up.
“Why are
you so late?”
He wasn't
even a little bothered.
“I was
watching T.V.”
“What?!
T.V.?! Why don't you sleep, bathe and
eat
before you get me then?”
I was
extremely angry and kept quiet as I didn't
take the
helmet he handed me. I stood there
and
stared at him.
“Sorry.”
This was
the first time he said sorry to me. He
is an
egotistical person and had never
apologized
to a girl before. I looked at him and
felt my
heart softened. I decided it is alright
since he
apologized. I took the helmet and let
him sent
me home.
It was
typical of him to avoid explanations,
friction
and quarrels between us. Since then,
the only
thing he ever does is to apologize
when
something is wrong. However in my
opinion,
some things can't be settled with an
apology.
Despite
that, I would never pursue a matter
once he
apologizes. He told me that was the
first
time he said sorry to a girl and while I felt
that it
takes courage to admit mistakes, he
never
once corrects his mistakes.
Instead,
I get
the
impression that sorry became a word to
shut me
up.
Tears
flowed down my cheeks when he
apologized
to me again on the 59th time. I
dropped
my head and told him,
“Please
don't bother to say sorry to me again. If
you can
never change your bad habits, don't let
me keep
giving you chances again and again,
hoping
and believing that you would change
each
time.”
He held
me lightly and said the 60th sorry. Even
with my
outburst and his latest apology, he did
not
change for the better and there still wasn’t
any
explanation on his mistakes whatsoever.
I started
to worry about the possibility that he
was
keeping something from me.
“What's
wrong with you these few days?”
“Nothing…”
“Then why
are you acting so strange?”
“I am
not.”
“What can
you say other than giving this reply?”
“Do you
know I'm very worried and very
insecure?”
“Do you
treat me as your girlfriend?”
“I'm
sorry...”
“I don't
want to hear you say sorry again.”
I slammed
the phone down and he did not call
me back.
At that point of time, I felt that he
didn't
even care about me. Maybe we should
just
break up.
That was
the 99th time he said sorry to me.
From that
day onwards, I stopped calling and
looking
for him.
Sometimes,
I would get an anonymous phone
call.
However every time I said hello, the phone
will be
cut off. I think he made those calls but I
wondered
why he didn’t speak up.
After a
month, I couldn't contain the feelings I
still
have for him anymore and went to his
school to
look for him. I went to his classroom
and
looked around, but there was no sign of
him.
“Excuse
me, is Ron here today?”
“I'm
afraid he stopped schooling.”
“Huh?
Why? When was that?”
“He
hasn't been in school for a month already.”
“Oh
erm... Thanks.”
One
month? He hasn’t been in school for one
month.
Why is that so? I stumbled home in
confusion.
As soon
as I got home I tried to contact him via
his cell
phone but all I got was, “Sorry the caller
is
currently unavailable, please leave your
message
after the tone. Beep…”
I tried
calling his house instead but there was
no
answer. How can it be? Did his whole family
migrate?
It seemed as if he has disappeared off
the face
of the earth without leaving a single
trace.
I
couldn't find him and just as I was feeling
distraught,
my friend rang me up. He was one
of his
brothers and also my good friend.
“Hey,
what have you been doing? Ron is in
hospital.”
“Really?
What Happened?”
“Oh he is
in the hospital, the one you stayed in
previously.”
“I'll be
right there.”
I rushed
off and when I reached the hospital, I
saw that
his parents were already there. I
asked
them for his room number and flew
across
the hall.
He was
lying on a bed looking
at me. He
didn’t speak a word nor moved a
muscle.
“Hey,
what happened to you? Why didn't you
contact
me?”
He did
not answer but stared emotionless at
me.
“Come on
answer me. Why don't you speak?”
A tear
flowed down the side of his eye, and it
looked as
though he was summoning all his
energy to
mumble these words...
“I'm...
Sorry...”
He shut
his eyes after that.
“Hey,
don't fool around alright. Why say sorry to
me?”
“Don't
say sorry to me. Please wake up. Please
answer
me…”
I fell
down on the side of his bed and wept
miserably.
I pulled his shirt as I cried out...
“Why do
you have to apologize? Why don't you
give me
an explanation instead?”
“I won't
forgive you. Wake up! It is no use
saying
sorry...”
“I'll
never ever forgive you in this lifetime if you
don’t
wake up. Please, I beg you to open your
eyes.....”
That was
the 100th sorry. A group of medical
staff,
doctors and nurses pulled me away and
tried to
revive him. I didn’t even have the
strength
to stand up. My mind was a blank....
My eyes
could only see a sea of darkness...
He did
not leave this world. I merely lost the
chance to
touch him. Sometimes, he will appear
in my
dreams and tell me how he is doing. He is
still
alive and accompanies me in my heart. He
will
still laugh at my silliness and call me his
darling.
It’s just that he will never apologize to
me
anymore.
After a
month, his mom came to look for me
and gave
me a box. There were a hundred
photographs
inside. Everyone had a story
behind
them. It was the reason why he made
me angry.
My dear,
the first time I said sorry I did not
purposely
arrive late to pick you up. I know this
excuse is
really lame but I didn't have the heart
to tell
you the truth then. Before I stepped out
of the
house, I felt a pain in my chest but I still
made it a
point to meet you. Can you please
forgive
me?
My dear,
the second time I said sorry I...
My dear,
the third time I said sorry I...
My dear,
the hundredth time I said sorry I didn't
mean to
leave you alone in this world. It had to
be so
because God did not give me the chance
to say I
Love You for this lifetime of mine and
to put a
ring on your finger...
You are
the first girl I apologized to and also
the first
girl I want to be with for the rest of my
life.
Forgive me for not being able to bring you
happiness
but I will become your angel and
always
look out for you. I will look at you while
you find
your happiness. Please promise me not
to shed a
tear. I don't want to see you weep for
me.
I Love
You,
Ron
How can I
not cry? What you wanted was just
impossible.
The last
photograph showed him in the
hospital.
Although he was skinny, the smile on
his face
was as bright as ever. His face was
pale and
yet he tried his best to give his last
smile on
the last photo, the photo for the 100th
apology.
At the
time when he needed me the most, I
wasn't
with him. I'm sorry. I held the photo
tightly
and cried for us.
.gif)
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